so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
