So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Randomize
