3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize