once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I pour the whiskey from now on
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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