Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
