Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
