oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize