I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
