4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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