My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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