Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
