what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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