you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
