Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.