Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.