Define "chronic" masturbator.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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