Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.