highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"