my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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