remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
