he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
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I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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