Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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