I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
