you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I could fuck to npr.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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