bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
