I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
