i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
