I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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