I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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