I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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