I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
