While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
not ubering you a puppy
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
