You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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