Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
