i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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