hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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