fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.