I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dicks are not precious.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.