I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
50% drunk capacity currently
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.