...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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