Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
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I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls