You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
