we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
