Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
