Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
