You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
