his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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