Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
