I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
