dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
