If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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