If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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