How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
