the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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