The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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