literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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