highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
