You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
