I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
