i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
