I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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