I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
