I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm too high and old for this...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
