Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
