I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
