The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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