I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!