I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
R you on birth control?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.