Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit