Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again