based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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