So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
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Are you still at the party or did I leave?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on