You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.