they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
