OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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