Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
