Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
