Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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