Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
