Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
this hospital has no fireball
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
