there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize