Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
