Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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