lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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