All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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