tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
