Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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