so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
