Cold hands, warm shart.
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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