I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
