I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
