his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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